Every child is different; some may talk twenty to the dozen while a few others tend to be reticent and shy. We, as parents, learn to understand and interact with kids who are evolving and changing with time. First off, it is a great idea to accept your child as they are – be it that they are talkative or kids who take time to express themselves. Do not negate their behaviour or feelings, that can eventually lead them to feel alienated or self-conscious.
Having said that, parents are also concerned about the emotional well-being (as it should be) of their kids; especially if they are facing bullying at school, having trouble making friends or feeling left out. We are often asked questions like “how do I get him or her to open up?” or “I get a one-liner in response, just a good or it was fine, what do I do?”. We have come up with a few suggestions and effective ideas that may help you to learn more about your kid’s day at school.

Ask Open-Ended Questions
Don’t just ask “how was school today?” or “how was your day at school?” which can elicit only one-word responses. Instead, ask questions that require detail and thought. For example, ask detail-oriented questions like “who did you sit next to, today?” and continue to ask details about the new friend and what do they like to do together. The conversation flows, your kid is also interested in talking to you and providing more details.
Another exercise that always works - make conversation with visuals. Use their artwork they bring home to start conversations. Another great way is to browse through our monthly photos with your child and you can get to know his/her classmates. Showing genuine interest in your child’s work including the books they read, activities they do at school etc… effectively increases their self-esteem. Lastly, you can explore the themes they are learning at school by reading, conducting experiments or weekend outings to learn new facts.

Get Creative
Interestingly, an experienced teacher suggests that parents who worry about their child being bullying at school, or kids having trouble socializing to ask questions like “ if an alien comes and says ‘I want to take one kid on a faraway journey’ – who would you choose?”. While this question may seem amusing or even silly, your child may respond with a concrete answer.
They may not give a direct answer to questions like “who don’t you like to sit with or play?”. You can use your imagination and make it silly or funny. Your child may inadvertently share while being silly and having fun.
As parents, you discover more about your child’s day at school and gain a level of comfort with your child. Your child learns to summarize his or her most memorable moments or vulnerable/fearful moments. They learn to be open with their parent, early on about important things that matter to them.

Effective Conversation Starters
While it may sound simple, sometimes, it is not what question you ask that matters. It is how you phrase, how you frame the question to ensure your child answers with enough detail. A few examples to illustrate what we mean:

Your question	You can change to
“Were the kids in your class friendly?”	“Who did you like talking to the most?”
“Do you like your teacher?”	“What was the most interesting thing your teacher said today?”
“How was snack time?”	“Who sat next to you at snack time?”
“Did you have a good day at school?”	“Tell me about a game you played at school today?”

Be realistic; don’t expect your child to give long, detailed answers. The idea is to have small conversations over time in a relaxed manner, maybe at dinner or on your commute. Listen, listen, and listen. Refrain from asking negative questions, questions with emotional words such as sad or mean. Positive conversations facilitate your child to express concerns without feeling any rejection or fear.

Share Your Personal Experiences
Finally, the most effective method of communication is when your model sharing your day, so your child can relate to you, in terms of experiences, feelings and where s/he feels that s/he is not different. When you know your child’s daily schedule, you can share personal stories what you did at art/library/sport classes and how you felt. The best is when you relay funny stories when you were a school-going child (my daughter’s favourite conversations are about my childhood). She is very curious to know how her mother or father was as a child.

Wondering what a day is like at Kindergarten? Our Hong Kong Kindergarten specialist has put together this little blog post to give an insight into the lives of our kindergarteners , particularly our pre-nursery class (2-3 year olds).

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