Survival Guide to Big Family Dinners
Thursday, November 28, 2019
It is officially the holiday season! Be it Christmas, Chinese New Year, or Thanksgiving, which roughly translates to big family meals!
Our kids often meet the extended family over big family meals. And, to be honest, it can be quite stressful. As parents, we have all been through uncomfortable situations when our child simply refuses to acknowledge an aunt/uncle he or she is unfamiliar with. At these times, we try to ask the child to say hello politely (read forcefully). Of course, our child will choose that moment to look down, hide behind you, or worse – pull down your pants!
Let’s not forget the awkward dinner conversations where your relatives question your kids about where they are applying or what they have been doing. Irrespective of what your response may be, you feel judged. So we are here to help with a few tips!
Great Opportunity to Teach Gratitude
Dr. Dickstein suggests that parents identify one or two things that you would like your kids to learn and work towards during the holidays – a value, or a memory of doing something special as a family.
Kids are like sponges; they absorb everything. As parents, inculcate a feeling of gratitude in your children. While it may be difficult to explain gratitude to young minds, it is a great time to display model behaviour you want to see in them. Here is an article that give you tips on how.
Prepare your Child First
Always have a conversation before leaving your house about how you expect your child to behave. Don’t shy away from specifics. Steven Dickstein, MD, suggests that you learn about specific rules at say, Grandma’s house, and spell them out to your kids. It helps kids to know what the house rules are at someone else’s house. While it is unreasonable to expect them to be on their best behaviour all the time, it is a good idea to set expectations to minimize conflict at a relative’s house.
If you are sensitive about certain topics e.g. application season, you can always “Warn family members about sensitive topics in the same way you’d warn people in advance that your child has a nut allergy,” suggests Dr. Dickstein.
If your child is a picky eater or has allergies, pack a dinner beforehand or call the restaurant to order something for your child first.
Roleplay Before the Big Event
As parents, you can teach your kids to greet people by simply greeting people around you. You can also model by greeting your kid every chance you get. You can fist bump, shake hands, or high-five. That way, your child will learn to greet without pressure, confidently.
A few weeks leading up to the dinner, make a conscious effort to praise your kid when he or she displays positive social behaviour. For example, you can say “your morning greeting brought a smile to the guard’s face!”
Roleplay different scenarios and make it fun! Create sound bites in their minds if anyone asks how s/he is doing, s/he can simply say, “Fine, thank you.” Giving your child some simple one-liners to work with can help them feel less pressured about coming up with appropriate responses.
The author of “Everyday Etiquette”, Patricia Rossi, offers a great hack to help young shy children. She suggests you teach kids to look for the colour of people’s eyes . Making eye contact is a vital part of effective communication and this really works and is less intimidating.
Take Memory Shots
We are referring to photos! The quote “the days are long, but the years are short” holds true for children. They grow up and change so quickly. Take lots of pictures at special occasions and family gatherings.
Taking pictures at a big family dinner can be a great distraction (good excuse!) from invasive questions and uncomfortable conversations. You could also pick a theme for the event! Memories captured for posterity are precious, especially when children grow up so fast! Time stands still in pictures.
Manage your Expectations; Focus on the Good
No matter how apprehensive you are about spending time with your extended family, you should remember and focus on the fact that you are creating happy memories for you and your kids. Do not pass on your bias or misgivings to your child. Time passes, and some of your family members may not be always around. Focus on happiness, being optimistic, and spreading love and joy.
With Thanksgiving upon us, our Hong Kong Kindergarten Specialist discusses what are some dos and donts when parents are showing our children why it’s important to feel and show gratitude.
➡【Join our Mighty Oaks family!/ 快來加入奧恩大家庭】
➡【 Sign up for Acorn Trial Class now!/Acorn 試堂優惠】
Our kids often meet the extended family over big family meals. And, to be honest, it can be quite stressful. As parents, we have all been through uncomfortable situations when our child simply refuses to acknowledge an aunt/uncle he or she is unfamiliar with. At these times, we try to ask the child to say hello politely (read forcefully). Of course, our child will choose that moment to look down, hide behind you, or worse – pull down your pants!
Let’s not forget the awkward dinner conversations where your relatives question your kids about where they are applying or what they have been doing. Irrespective of what your response may be, you feel judged. So we are here to help with a few tips!
Great Opportunity to Teach Gratitude
Dr. Dickstein suggests that parents identify one or two things that you would like your kids to learn and work towards during the holidays – a value, or a memory of doing something special as a family.
Kids are like sponges; they absorb everything. As parents, inculcate a feeling of gratitude in your children. While it may be difficult to explain gratitude to young minds, it is a great time to display model behaviour you want to see in them. Here is an article that give you tips on how.
Prepare your Child First
Always have a conversation before leaving your house about how you expect your child to behave. Don’t shy away from specifics. Steven Dickstein, MD, suggests that you learn about specific rules at say, Grandma’s house, and spell them out to your kids. It helps kids to know what the house rules are at someone else’s house. While it is unreasonable to expect them to be on their best behaviour all the time, it is a good idea to set expectations to minimize conflict at a relative’s house.
If you are sensitive about certain topics e.g. application season, you can always “Warn family members about sensitive topics in the same way you’d warn people in advance that your child has a nut allergy,” suggests Dr. Dickstein.
If your child is a picky eater or has allergies, pack a dinner beforehand or call the restaurant to order something for your child first.
Roleplay Before the Big Event
As parents, you can teach your kids to greet people by simply greeting people around you. You can also model by greeting your kid every chance you get. You can fist bump, shake hands, or high-five. That way, your child will learn to greet without pressure, confidently.
A few weeks leading up to the dinner, make a conscious effort to praise your kid when he or she displays positive social behaviour. For example, you can say “your morning greeting brought a smile to the guard’s face!”
Roleplay different scenarios and make it fun! Create sound bites in their minds if anyone asks how s/he is doing, s/he can simply say, “Fine, thank you.” Giving your child some simple one-liners to work with can help them feel less pressured about coming up with appropriate responses.
The author of “Everyday Etiquette”, Patricia Rossi, offers a great hack to help young shy children. She suggests you teach kids to look for the colour of people’s eyes . Making eye contact is a vital part of effective communication and this really works and is less intimidating.
Take Memory Shots
We are referring to photos! The quote “the days are long, but the years are short” holds true for children. They grow up and change so quickly. Take lots of pictures at special occasions and family gatherings.
Taking pictures at a big family dinner can be a great distraction (good excuse!) from invasive questions and uncomfortable conversations. You could also pick a theme for the event! Memories captured for posterity are precious, especially when children grow up so fast! Time stands still in pictures.
Manage your Expectations; Focus on the Good
No matter how apprehensive you are about spending time with your extended family, you should remember and focus on the fact that you are creating happy memories for you and your kids. Do not pass on your bias or misgivings to your child. Time passes, and some of your family members may not be always around. Focus on happiness, being optimistic, and spreading love and joy.
With Thanksgiving upon us, our Hong Kong Kindergarten Specialist discusses what are some dos and donts when parents are showing our children why it’s important to feel and show gratitude.
➡【Join our Mighty Oaks family!/ 快來加入奧恩大家庭】
➡【 Sign up for Acorn Trial Class now!/Acorn 試堂優惠】
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